Am I being irrational?
Every so often I FEEL as if she reacts differently when I change plans to take up more of her time.
Maybe she just has the same reaction, but every since ivfound out what happened it feels like she’s trying to go behind my back…
Its like I automatically don’t trust her now. And I don’t know what I’m supposed to do to improve me trust. I feel as if I’m in a relationship but she isn’t. She is the focal person in my life and everything for me changes to fit that - my friends (Logan and I no longer speak) and everything else. I feel like for her I may be the most pominent person - her plans accommodate time with me first, but I’m only a part of her emotional ring. Like there is always someone that might take my place if ivfalter. I just wish I felt more like I was on a level separate from everyone else. I hate that she’s embarrassed to be seen with me and avoids even mentioning my name to people… I know she cares and loves me, but it’s so hard to see through the lies, the cheating, and hiding me away from everyone else
I wish you’d take the extra step.
Christian Cherry is the problem in your side of the relationship.
Not just because you cheated on me with him, but even before that.
Last summer you flirted with him continuously over text message to the point that you lied to me sying you were asleep while you spent the night (till 4 AM) texting/talking to him.
Again last summer - the weekend after I left - you blantantly lied about going with him to the beach alone.
And over Christmas I gave up and said I was fine with him (even though I wasn’t).
Just after that you cheat on me with him, doing something you constantly told me you hated and wouldn’t do for me.
So it has been a while and I have gotten over what happened and forgiven you.
and you say that you won’t hang out with him for me, but you have to talk to him because he is your “friend.”
Your relationship with him is not a friend.
You don’t makeout with your friends. You don’t blow your friends.
I know that you feel bad about what you did, and I can’t force you to not be friends with him. Consequently, he is the reason I have been so unable to trust you. Every time you regain my trust, you break it to be with him.
I just wish you’d take the extra step for us and break off whatever you have with him. He is the root of the problem.
Something you said.
“i dont care what your persepctive is right now. i dont care that someone told you, i dont care that you know. i could care less in fact. i’m not mad at rachel. i simply want you to know, that for every lie i tell, you tell 5. why? you make yourself up to be this big glorious person who ALWAYS tells the truth when really, you simply dont say anything”
I just want to know.
What did you lie about?
Cheating on me.
What did I lie about?
Conversations with your friends who told me that you cheated on me.
Why did I lie?
I wanted you to eventually come to me and tell me what happened.
To respect me enough tell me yourself.
When else have I lied?
Why do you lie?
I Hate That There Is Secrecy Between Us.
You always say “I know everything.”
I honestly am completely and utterly fine with that. But you say it like it is power over me.
The reason you make me feel so insecure about us is because you feel like you need to have secrets.
Well here, ask me. Have I done anything that I don’t want you to know about since we started dating. Yes I’ve had moments (that you know about) that I embarass me. But in all honestly there is nothing I have done that you don’t know about.
Nothing else to be ashamed for.
I have no secrets from you, I don’t.
Maybe the problems we are having is because you don’t give any of yours up. You keep them burried inside and it keeps me so distant from you.
I wish you could trust me more because without you giving me some of your trust, how is this supposed to work?
I Am Actually Very Happy. I Hope You Are Too!
You know, Corie.
Despite how close we came to breaking up, or rather maybe because, I am happier than I’ve been with you since I can remember.
Seeing you isn’t simply a part of my day as it has been, but rather it’s become the event of my day.
I feel like I’m missing something when I don’t get to see you.
Granted I have other things I’m doing while I can’t see you, but because of the realization that I might lose you, I now have the perspective about what life would be like without you.
It has really pushed me to cherish the moments with you as a priviledge, not commonplace.
And that’s why I’m trying so hard to change myself for you.
You’ve told me I’m doing well and I plan to keep at it.
I love being with you.
It’s the most fun, most caring, most important relationship I’ve imagined.
You’re So Good At Lying. You Don’t Have To Do It. Why Do You?
Especially about the little things. Like tonight?
I just don’t understnad why love.
“I feel completely safe and completely independent with him at the same time. I feel like I can say or do anything and, even if he doesn’t like it or doesn’t understand it, he respects me for it.”
Yes, I know it is a quote from Scrubs.
But that doesn’t lessen the fact that that line right there is my goal.
It is what I want for you and for us.
We’re Really Fixing Things.
We had an absolutely amazing day from going to the Pirates Of The Caribbean 4 to texting constantly to having a great afternoon with Corie’s friend Rachel (I like her a lot now since today and what happened this past week) and her boyfriend. Sitting on the swings at the Waterfront Park to cuddling for the few moments before taking her home.
By all accounts, other than the premier this morning, it was a relatively uneventful day, yet she and I both said it was the happiest we’d been in months, despite the fact that she and I are both sleep deprived and have huge workloads hanging over us.
I think it really has to do with not just me knowing what I need to be better about, but also her seeing that I am trying and in turn she’s really trying to put us back together. And we really were a perfectly happy couple today.
When we were walking home, there was this tour guide talking about the City of Charleston and, as we walked by, he commented “and all of these young couples in love, like these two…” just as we walked by. Both Corie and I looked at him and the group of people and smiled simultaneously.
He even acknowledged our smiles.
We knew he was talking about us.
We both knew we were in love.
What is important for me now is to remember.
It was really easy to turn myself around, and I knew I could do it.
And I did.
What I must remember is that I have to keep myself turned around. I can’t get lazy and drop the ball again.
My dad always said a relationship is something you have to care for. If you don’t keep your focus on it, then it will dwindle away. That was what was happening to our fabulous relationship. I won’t let myself falter like that again.
I love you, Corie
I really do. And you know that.
And you believed I could fix things.
I always will.
Love for forever.
I’m so Arrogant.
I never really noticed how arrogant I am until I took a step back and looked at myself.
Not just myself, but my background.
I come from a wealthy family that I was adopted into.
I went to a privileged school
My parents are way too good to me.
I have simply taken most of the things I have been given in my life for granted and when I look at myself I realize.
I have done nothing to receive the privileged life that I live.
Not just that, but I also think so highly of myself.
Like I just assume that I’ll be able to do anything I work towards simply because I think I can.
While it’s a great outlook, I don’t think the same of others.
I think I can do things better than others.
I’m sorry to anyone that I may have insulted due to this.
I really want to work on it and try to make myself more conscious of how my personal actions might inflict harm to others.
All people are capable of change.
We are who we make ourselves.
Im beginning to undertand more
I know now that the things you have done that I hate are mostly caused by the way I treat you, and vice versa.
No I can try to fix the things I for which will make you happier in general. Maybe then, the problems we’ve been having with eachother will start to go away completely and return to the bliss we had before they were created - well, intensified.
maybe things will even be betterbetween us because the problems you’ve had with me were there when we started. With them gone maybe we’llbe even better off
